Raising a tween, teen, or young adult in today’s world? You’ve got questions. And during the summer when they have more free time? How much independence is too much? When do you hold firm and when do you let go? July is BIPOC Mental Health Awareness Month and ESSENCE tapped me, Rochelle R. Robinson, Psy.D. affectionately known as “Dr. Ro”, to share my expertise for helping our youth best manage their mental health. As a licensed psychologist who works with young people daily, I get it. I’m here to share what works.
One thing to keep in mind: What benefits a 13-year-old probably won’t land the same way with a 19-year-old. You know your child best—adjust as needed and don’t be afraid to try something new.
1: Talk About Social Media—Before It Talks to Them
Social media is everywhere, and it’s not going anywhere. While it can foster connection and creativity, research shows it takes a toll on young people’s mental health. A 2025 study in Frontiers in Psychology found that upward social comparison on social media is linked to lower self-esteem and increased depressive symptoms in teens and young adults.
I work with teens who feel like failures because they don’t have a business by 16. Young adults often feel behind because their peers appear more successful online. We almost never compare ourselves to people doing worse. We always compare up, and it leaves us feeling like we’re not enough.
The Tip:
For younger teens (12–16): Set intentional limits around screen time and check in regularly about what they’re seeing. Ask, “How does scrolling make you feel?” You might be surprised by the answer.
For older teens and young adults (17–20): Encourage them to audit who they follow. If an account consistently makes them feel bad about themselves, it’s okay to unfollow or mute. Social media should add to your life, not drain it.
2: Know What Bullying Looks Like Now
Bullying in 2026 is not what it was when we were growing up. Today, most drama starts online and spills into school, sports teams, and friend groups. Cyberbullying is relentless because there’s no escape—it follows your child home.
It’s also worth knowing that boys and girls tend to bully differently. Boys are more likely to be physically aggressive. Girls often engage in what researchers call relational aggression. Think gossip, exclusion and rumor spreading. It’s subtler than a fistfight, but just as damaging, especially during the years when friendships feel like everything.
The Tip:
Keep the lines of communication open. Regularly ask your child how they’re being treated by their friends. Encourage them to think about what a good friend looks like: honest, trustworthy, accountable. Then ask if they’re showing up that way too. This builds self-awareness and helps them recognize toxic dynamics.
3: Have the Sex Talk—More Than Once
Some parents avoid the topic entirely. Others sit their child down for one big uncomfortable conversation and consider it done. Neither approach works.
The reality is that tweens and teens are already hearing about sex from friends, social media and music. What they’re typically missing is the emotional context. Their hormones may be racing, but emotionally and mentally, most teenagers are not ready for the weight that comes with sexual activity. Your job is to bridge that gap.
And yes—the LGBTQ+ conversation is part of this. I know it can feel overwhelming, especially if these identities are new to you. But your teen is living in a world where gender and sexuality are being explored more openly than ever. You don’t need all the answers. Just be willing to listen.
The Tip:
For younger teens: Keep it age-appropriate and ongoing. Focus on values, boundaries, and emotional readiness—not just the biology.
For older teens and young adults: Create a judgment-free space for them to ask questions. If your child comes to you about their identity or sexuality, resist the urge to immediately react. The four stages of coming out: self-awareness, disclosure, socialization, and integration are real. Your presence during that process matters more than your perfect response.
4: Discuss Drugs Without Shutting the Conversation Down
Here’s what I see in my practice: Fewer teens are engaging in heavy drug use than previous generations, but more are experimenting with marijuana, vaping, hookah and prescription pills. Today’s music and pop culture glorify substance use in ways that can make it feel normal—even aspirational—to a young person.
Before you panic, consider what you’re actually dealing with. Is your tween/teen missing school or work? Skipping out on hygiene? Becoming more irritable or withdrawn? Those are signs to watch for. The American Academy of Pediatrics is clear on this: Open communication is more effective than locking everything down. Connection is more protective than punishment.
The Tip:
Have the conversation—more than once. Yes, they may roll their eyes. They’re still listening. For older teens and young adults, acknowledge that they have more autonomy, while being honest about risks. If you notice warning signs, reach out to their pediatrician or a mental health professional.
5: Fight Fair—Teach Conflict Resolution by Example
Your teen is coming into their own. Their brain is still developing, they have opinions now, and sometimes those opinions clash with yours. This is normal and healthy. The goal isn’t to avoid conflict; it’s to model how to handle it well.
The Tip:
Don’t have the hard conversation in the heat of the moment. Wait until everyone is calm, then approach it. Set expectations before a conflict arises, not in the middle of one. When your teen shares an opinion, you disagree with? Listen first. Take time before you respond. Teens and young adults watch how you handle disagreement, even when it doesn’t seem like it.
6: Maintain Structure This Summer
Summer is here and most kids are thrilled to throw their books out the window. Honestly, they’ve earned a break. But there’s a difference between rest and a full academic shutdown. The sweet spot is somewhere in the middle.
Here’s why it matters: NWEA (Northwest Evaluation Association), one of the nation’s largest student assessment organizations, tracks test scores for millions of U.S. students and found that math skills alone can drop the equivalent of 10–30% of a full school years’ worth of learning over the summer. For older teens and college students, the concern shifts: unstructured time without purpose or routine can quietly lead to increased isolation and anxiety. The summer slide isn’t just academic. It’s emotional too.
The Tip:
Have fun but keep some structure. If the school assigned summer reading, pace it out (20 minutes a day is plenty). Use everyday moments for light math practice, like counting change at the grocery store. For older teens and young adults, encourage leisure reading. After a year of textbooks, picking up something they genuinely enjoy can reignite a love of literature.
For all ages: Encourage getting thoughts out of their head and onto paper. Whether it’s journaling or drawing, self-expression is a powerful mental health tool.
7: Give Them a Space That’s Just Theirs
My final tip is personal. In my work with Black and Brown tweens and teens, I created Just Me and My Thoughts: A Motivational Journal for Teens to Unapologetically Express Their Truth. It’s a space where young people see images that look like them and language that sounds like them—a place to explore their strengths, challenges, relationships, identity, goals, faith and their place in the culture. For kids who don’t love writing, there’s space to draw too.
For the moms: Don’t forget about yourself. Just Me and My Thoughts, Vol. 2: For the Woman Who’s Been Through It, Growing From It, and Still Dreaming Anyway is a journal and coloring book designed for women navigating life transitions, workplace stress, relationships and more. When your mental health is in a good place, you’re better equipped to support your child’s. Both journals are available here.
