Ask a Sex Columnist: Martha Kempner

Martha Kempner was Rewire News Group’s first sex columnist. One of her first columns for RNG, published back in 2010, derided Tiger Woods for using “sex addiction” as an excuse for bad behavior. Talk about a throwback!

She returned to Rewire this year to reboot her sex column for the modern era—one full of massive health misinformation and shrinking reproductive rights. Since returning to RNG in January 2026, Kempner has documented why the HPV vaccine is basically an anti-cancer shot; dug into the Epstein Files to discuss the relationship between age and consent; and explained that, no, abortion pills aren’t poisoning our drinking water. 

In her monthly RNG columns, weekly Sex on Wednesdays newsletter, and video explainers for the group Sex Ed for Social Change, Kempner is fearless, funny, and unabashedly “blunt” about all aspects of sex. Her zero-judgement, fully-informed answers make her particularly approachable to teens, who swim in a sea of sex myths and social stigma, as well as their parents.

To reintroduce Kempner to RNG readers, I interviewed her about good sex, the power of birth control, and why parents shouldn’t be shy about discussing sex with their kids.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. Stay tuned to RNG’s socials for video outtakes—and if you have questions for Martha Kempner, email editorial@rewirenewsgroup.com or message us online!

Martha, I’m so excited to be interviewing you. You’ve been writing sex-health columns for Rewire since I think, forever. You also wrote a book, 50 Great Myths of Human Sexuality. What’s your favorite myth to bust for people?

I’m constantly busting myths about birth control, because the rhetoric around birth control is so bad. Literally, there’s this [message] like, “this is poison, don’t put it in your body,” and it’s absurd. 

[That rhetoric is] dovetailing with all the wellness influencers [saying], Everything natural is good and Chemicals are bad. It is so reductionist, and … one of the things that gets lost in that debate sometimes is how important birth control was to women in general. It’s really how we got into the workforce. … When the pill came out, suddenly you could plan your career. You could plan your family, which meant that you could invest in your career. If you didn’t know whether you could get pregnant tomorrow, then what was the use of going to get your PhD or becoming a [medical] doctor? 

And so, there’s a direct correlation between the pill and women’s success.

And that is why … we’re hearing so much negative stuff about hormonal birth control. I think it’s really a push to make people hate their birth control. Because if people hate it, it’s a lot easier for politicians to get rid of it under the guise of helping you instead of hurting you.

If someone wanted to have more satisfying sex or better sex, what questions would you suggest that they start with—for themselves, their partner(s), or to talk about with their parents?

Most of the first questions are to ask yourself: What do I want? What am I comfortable with? 

I think masturbation is … the best way to start. You’ve got to know what you like. And then, also, there’s fantasy. Some of those spicy books might help trigger some fantasies. I think porn is so easy to come by, but porn doesn’t encourage you to fantasize when video and audio are all right there. It’s somebody else’s vision. So I’d say do a little bit of fantasizing and thinking about what makes you excited. 

And then absolutely look up information about birth control and STI prevention. But I don’t want us to think that that’s the biggest part of deciding to have sex. And definitely, if you are deciding to share your body with someone else, then you have to talk to them about it a little bit.

It can be a little awkward, [but] there are plenty of ways to make it fun.

Where would you suggest people do find good sex ed?

For young people, Scarleteen is really good on pleasure and other topics that you need. If you want the basics of the medical stuff, Planned Parenthood is really good. And I’m sorry Teen Vogue is going away because that had some good stuff in it. 

When I started, if you didn’t get it [good information] in sex-ed, there wasn’t necessarily a place to find it. The good news now is that the information is out there. I think the harder part is that you just have to be a little bit of a savvy media consumer. Because the bad information is out there too.

Your kids get free sex health advice. Do they listen to you?

I think they do listen to me, though I have one daughter who hates talking about it. And a lot of their friends like to ask me questions. I think people just like to know that there’s an adult around that they can go and ask questions to, and I’m gonna be pretty blunt. 

The interesting thing is that kids actually like to talk to their parents about sex. … So many of those questions are [essentially asking], Will you approve of me? Will you approve of it? Am I normal? Is it OK? 

So just be approachable and let them. The easiest way to do it is to not make it a big deal. The more you normalize sex, the more it becomes just another topic.

What advice would you give to parents who are maybe given the times a little bit more wary of talking about sex with their kids?

Talk to your kids like they’re people. You don’t have to talk to them like they’re grownups; they’re not grownups. But talk to them like they’re people who can understand things. Take your cues from them, answer their questions. Don’t say things like, “I’ll tell you about it when you’re older.” You don’t have to give all the information right up front. Just what they need to know at that moment. 

It’s definitely not the time to pull back [on sex talk] because either kids are not going to get this information in other places or [the information] they’re getting other places might be bad—especially around accepting gay, lesbian, bisexual, [and trans] kids. We have to talk to our kids about that all the time. 

I’m lucky that my kids are growing up in this very, accepting community where some of their friends have two moms, some have two dads. Every imaginable form of family is right around us. But if you’re not raising your kids in that kind of an environment, you have to be telling them that those things are possible and that they’re fine.

Martha, are the kids all right?

Here’s what I’m worried about with the kids. You ready? They’re not having enough sex. 

This was from a CDC survey. Some statistics came out about young people having sex, the number of young people having sex going down and the percentage of young people being depressed going up.

This is related, because it’s part of this “not making connections” problem—you know, being on your phone all the time and not being physically with your friends and not flirting. How much fun is flirting? And how much self esteem do you get from somebody flirting with you? 

It’s a mistake to think that the goal is getting people to 18 or 21 or college without having sex. The goal is to get them there with a level of emotional sophistication or maturity.

That’s What She Said: Martha Kempner

Favorite pastime: I am obsessed with reupholstering furniture right now. I am always online looking for old ripped up chairs, and I have a staple gun. I have to do something that has nothing to do with the news.

Go-to sex shop: Honestly, I’m pretty impressed with what you can buy in a chain pharmacy these days. My local CVS usually has a bunch of vibrating rings and an internal vibrator or two. I even saw a vibrating butt plug once. 

Favorite Rewire column you’ve ever written: This early column on antibiotic-resistant gonorrhea. The first known outbreak was in the 1400s. It’s been around forever, and it’s been antibiotic resistant since the 1940s. Since we’ve developed antibiotics, it started figuring out how to get around them. 

Best sex/dating advice you ever got or gave: “Give everybody a chance.” This comes from my friend’s wife, and he would never have asked her out except that he knew that this was her philosophy and that she always said yes to the first date. He asked her out, and they got married and had kids.

Last one: Is your poodle, Asparagus (aka Gus), sex positive? I would say no, because he humps me without consent all the time.

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