Can You Share Sex Toys?

I was at a party recently where one of my friends started gossiping about someone they knew very tangentially, which happens to be one of my favorite kinds of gossip. He told me about this slutty guy, a friend’s co-worker or something like that, a subject so remotely connected to us that he may as well be a character from a folktale. 

But who cares about veracity when the goss starts like this: “His body count is in the hundreds and he owns an arsenal of sex toys that he’s reused with dozens of different women!”

I didn’t think it was particularly scandalous to own a collection of high-mileage sex toys, but my fellow party goers seemed to think this guy’s bedroom behavior was a little sketchy. Isn’t it gross to use a dildo that’s been inside someone else, someone asked? Isn’t that kind of unsanitary? 

Is it? 

Outnumbered, I started to doubt my own nonchalance about sharing sex toys. I don’t think Emily Post’s Etiquette or any other social-decorum guides of yore had chapters about communal sex toy usage. As an intrepid sex writer, I feel it is my job to bring etiquette into the modern era and ask: Is it okay to put a butt plug in multiple anuses?

First, let’s talk hygiene

I talked to the employees at one of my favorite sex shops in Chicago, Early to Bed, to get the expert lowdown. Early to Bed recommended using toys made of 100 percent silicone, regardless of if you’re going for a solo masturbation sesh or if your bedroom is one of the city’s hottest clubs. 

Toys made of 100 percent silicone won’t absorb toxic materials like bacteria, and are therefore safer to use and easier to clean. Beware of silicone blends, which may be porous and more prone to carrying bacteria. 

Other non-porous sex-toy materials include hard plastic, aluminum, break-resistant glass, and stainless steel, according to Planned Parenthood. 

Generally speaking, you can use mild dish soap and warm water to keep your toys clean, but you can also use anti-bacterial cleansers—which you can buy as wipes or in bottles—designed specifically for sex toys. This method might be the best choice for non-penetrative toys like  non-waterproof Hitachi wands, penis pumps, harnesses and other toys that can’t be submerged in water.

Most silicone and glass toys can be boiled or put in the dishwasher if you want to be really thorough–-as long as they don’t have motors. Vibrators, auto-blowers, and electro play toys should never be fully submerged in water, because of the potential to damage the electronics inside.

But cleaning practices vary slightly from toy to toy, so check the instructions or ask your friendly neighborhood sex shop employees. 

Cleaning your toys is an important factor in curbing infections, sexually transmitted and otherwise. According to a 2017 survey published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, women who reported having shared sex toys were more likely to report ever having bacterial vaginosis. 

One study found that the human papillomavirus persisted on vibrators, even 24 hours after being cleaned. 

“If someone who has an STD uses a sex toy,” Planned Parenthood warns on its website, “the body fluids on that toy can spread the infection to the next person who uses that toy.” 

Research into genital health and its relation to sex toy use is limited. But some bacteria, a common culprit of STIs, can be destroyed in boiling water or a hot dishwasher cycle. 

But just like any other kind of sex, one of the best ways to protect yourself and others from infection while playing with sex toys is to get tested regularly.

“Getting a positive STI test back can be scary,” Caitlin Lloyd, communications and outreach lead at the CHOICES Center for Reproductive Health, told me in an email. “And it’s important to note that it does not make you a bad or ‘dirty’ person. Taking care of your body and informing your partner/s is sexy!”

Besides communication, protective barriers like condoms are also useful for preventing infections. Yes, you can—and should—use protection on sex toys used with multiple partners, just as you would when having toy-less sex with multiple partners. Condoms can also help keep toys relatively clean if you’re using any that are made of potentially porous materials.

It’s also important to consider what part of the body you’ve used a sex toy on. Inserting a sex toy that’s recently been in an anus into a vagina can cause vaginitis or other infections. 

Now, let’s talk about feelings 

If you follow these best practices for keeping your chest of toys hygienic, you should feel safe enough to use them on yourself, your friends, lovers, and all the one-night-stands you fancy. 

But like all other aspects of sex, communication is important. Be transparent here, and ask your sexual partner if they feel comfortable using a toy that has been used on someone else. Maybe they’d prefer to use a condom or to bring a toy from their own personal collection. Buying a new toy together can even be fun and sexy in its own right!

Back at the party, when my friends and I were discussing the remote acquaintance and his armory of dildos, massagers, and butt plugs, someone in the circle asked how the toys were stored. Was it a Fifty Shades situation, all the objects hung up on pegboards, a shiny, fully stocked and cleaned sex dungeon? 

No, the gossiper told us, all the items were stored neatly in a clear plastic storage box with locking side handles. This, everyone decided, was a green flag. 

Many sex shops also sell special bags and storage solutions specifically designed to keep sex toys clean, cute, and discreet in your bedside drawer or toy chest. I personally use a lacquered box covered in bear-ish gay hentai illustrations that an older boyfriend made for me while I was in high school. 

Still, even if everything seems in order visually, I think it’s worth asking about the maintenance regimen of your hook-up’s vibrating, double-ended dildo before it’s about to enter you. 

Ultimately, communication, protection, and getting regularly screened for STIs helps keep everyone safe. And safe practices mean everyone can have more fun—because it’s hard to come if you’re worried about getting a yeast infection from the 8-inch silicone tentacle inside you.

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