Coercion is abuse

If your partner controls your body, that's not love.

One in four people in violent relationships experience reproductive coercion. You are not alone, and there's help.

If you're in danger right now

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline — call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. Free, 24/7, all 50 states. Translators in 200+ languages.
  • Loveisrespect (under 25) — call 1-866-331-9474, text LOVEIS to 22522.
  • StrongHearts Native Helpline — call 1-844-762-8483 (Native-centered, 24/7).
  • 911 if you are in immediate physical danger.

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What reproductive coercion looks like

It's a pattern of control. Naming it is the first step.

Birth-control sabotage

  • Hiding, throwing out, or destroying pills, condoms, or rings.
  • Poking holes in condoms; removing condoms during sex without consent ("stealthing").
  • Pulling out an IUD by the strings.
  • Refusing to use a condom while insisting you can't be on the pill.

Pregnancy pressure

  • Threatening to leave or hurt you unless you become or stay pregnant.
  • Forcing you to continue or end a pregnancy against your will.
  • Controlling whether you can attend prenatal appointments.
  • Withholding money for childcare to keep you dependent.

Reproductive surveillance

  • Monitoring your period app, search history, or phone.
  • Demanding access to your accounts or location.
  • Tracking when you ovulate or have sex.
  • Checking your body or pads for evidence of menstruation.

STI coercion

  • Refusing to test or get treatment.
  • Refusing to disclose status.
  • Intentional exposure as a form of control.

A 2010 ACOG-commissioned study found 1 in 4 partners in violent relationships engages in reproductive coercion. CDC research links it to higher rates of unintended pregnancy, STIs, and depression.

Birth control your partner can't sabotage

Long-acting, undetectable options when openly using contraception isn't safe.

Hormonal IUD or copper IUD

Lasts 3–12 years depending on type. The strings can be cut very short by your provider so a partner can't feel them. Ask explicitly: "Please trim the strings as short as possible." The IUD itself is undetectable.

Nexplanon implant

A matchstick-thin rod placed under the upper-arm skin. Lasts 3 years. Not visible after a few weeks. The most "invisible" option.

Depo-Provera shot

One injection every 3 months. No pills, no rings, nothing in the home. Often available at Title X clinics on a sliding scale.

Find a Title X clinic for free or low-cost contraception: HHS Title X clinic locator. Planned Parenthood (plannedparenthood.org) offers all of the above.

If your partner monitors your phone

Research from a device they don't see.

  • Use a public library computer. Most have private browsing built in. Don't sign into personal accounts.
  • Borrow a trusted friend's phone. Use private browsing. Sign out of everything before returning it.
  • Use a workplace computer only if your employer doesn't share data with your partner.
  • If you must use your own phone: use Tor Browser (free), then delete the app afterward. Read our safe-browsing guide.
  • For texts: Signal with disappearing-messages enabled. Hide it in a folder labeled differently (the icon can be customized on iOS Shortcuts).
  • Stalkerware check: if your phone runs hot, drains fast, or sends you weird notifications, it may have monitoring software. Coalition Against Stalkerware has detection tools.

Safety planning

A plan you can use at any speed — when you're staying, when you're getting ready, when you're leaving.

Build a go-bag, hidden somewhere safe

  • Cash (small bills) and a prepaid card.
  • Copies of ID, insurance card, birth certificate, kids' ID and immunization records.
  • Phone charger, prescription meds.
  • A second phone (cheap prepaid) your partner doesn't know about.
  • Important photos and a list of contacts.
  • A change of clothes.

Hide it at a friend's place, in your car if your partner doesn't drive it, or at work.

Plan the leave

  • Memorize the National DV Hotline number: 1-800-799-7233. Or save it under a fake contact name.
  • Identify two people you can call at any hour.
  • Know the route to the nearest shelter or trusted friend's home.
  • If you have kids, talk to school counselors quietly — they can help with safe pickup.
  • The most dangerous time is when you leave. The hotline can help you plan timing.

Legal protection

  • WomensLaw.org

    State-by-state legal info on protective orders, custody, divorce, and immigration. Free.

    womenslaw.org

  • Repro Legal Helpline

    Free, confidential legal advice on reproductive coercion alongside criminal/civil questions.

    1-844-868-2812 · reprolegalhelpline.org

  • Battered Women's Justice Project

    Legal resources for survivors, including custody after leaving.

    bwjp.org

  • Casa de Esperanza (Latino/a/x)

    National network of Latino/a/x-led DV programs.

    casadeesperanza.org

You are not crazy. You are not alone. You are not at fault. Reproductive coercion is a recognized pattern of intimate-partner violence. Naming it doesn't end the relationship — it gives you options.

If you only do one thing today: save the National Domestic Violence Hotline number — 1-800-799-7233 — under a name only you'll recognize.